DILEMMA (I love you but…)

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barkatuh. Thank you for visiting my blog. I apologise for not posting Renaissance of love (The sunnah) as promised.

Life…roller coaster, game of golf, temple run, we all have our experiences and life may treat us differently. Good days, bad days and the in between, Alhamdulillah for all. Who are we to complain for God’s sake when we have access to the internet among other things, what a luxury, Alhamdulillah.

A few weeks before the blessed month of Ramadhan I found myself packing a bag (not a pink one this time) and not for fun too, it contained biscuits, water and drugs. I had barely opened my eyes well when a phone call woke me up earlier than usual. The problem was not the phone call, my mother would do that very often . I panicked that she was not singing ‘good morning darling’ in all the languages she could but all she asked for was company to the hospital. I knew she had a sugar problem and by Allah I could not handle the few minutes out to the hospital.

The reality is people die randomly, we are all afraid to wake up someday without someone dear to us, only Allah knows what one goes through day and night remembering a lost one. Our comfort as muslims is the fact that everything Allah does in our lives is to be embraced as His will and we know someday in a time to come by the Grace of Allah we will reunite again. The thought gave me some comfort but only for some time.

Meanwhile at the hospital I seemed on my feet and strong but deep inside it was an uncomfortable beat my heart had adapted. How can I let her see my tears when I have to be strong now? I should be praying and thanking Allah we could afford to go to a hospital anyway, I have seen worse cases to be sincere so again Alhamdulillah for sustenance. That was good for the moment as it diverted my fears and I reminded myself to give thanks at all times for it could have been otherwise.

It was not an emergency really, but of course out of fear we could exaggerate a mild headache to seem like a hemorrhagic stroke and you know how patients love attention too, yeah, so my mother had her turn that day.

While we waited for full recovery, at night I would wake up and watch her trunk move as she breathed. I would check her pulse and feel for the warmth on her feet. I was afraid of death obviously but could not help to remind myself that it would come, if not today then someday unknown.

My thoughts extended beyond death, to the life in the grave and to the day of resurrection. Before the comfort of getting into paradise with your righteous family, friends and other servants of Allah, the terrifying events must occur. I served her all through that time, running to and fro hoping to comfort her, but in as much as I love this woman before me a day would come when I would see her but run away from her…subhanallah. But could it also be that I would not run from her?

On the Day a man will flee from his brother, and his mother and his father, and his wife and his children. Everyman, that Day, will have enough to make him careless of others.
(‘Abasa 80:34-37)

O mankind, fear your Lord. Indeed, the convulsion of the [final] Hour is a terrible thing. On the Day you see every nursing mother will be distracted from that [child] she was nursing, and every pregnant woman will abort her pregnancy, and you will see the people [appearing] intoxicated while they are not intoxicated; but the punishment of Allah is severe. (Al-Hajj

And warn them, [O Muhammad], of the Approaching Day, when hearts are at the throats, filled [with distress]. For the wrongdoers there will be no devoted friend and no intercessor [who is] obeyed. (Ghaafir 40:18)

May Allah make us pious people who would help each other through the life of this world and the hereafter. Imagine the joy of seeing your loved ones again, those you had lost long time ago. Those you used to pray with, remember Allah with, try to overcome societal and peer pressure with as regards keeping up to the expectations as good muslims. Do not relent in striving to be pious. It would indeed be worth it in the end, in sha Allah. Allah’s promise is true.

Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous. [Quran 43:67]

I tried to answer your every call
Attempted to catch your every fall
There is the promise of parting from you in this world
Someday, somehow, this is true in His word
Just the thoughts and gloom on my face parades
A wish to see you again, a wish for a second to be spared
Alas, the day comes and there my love I see you
My dilemma will be to run away from you

We met at random
Shared kind words of wisdom
Members of the same congregation
At some point in some places too much to mention
As friendship bonds or family ties attachments
Some in moments, others in lifetime engagements
I lost you, your soul left and mine to follow
I love you, but no one is promised tomorrow
O life and death, this duo through time has remained true
To live and die and live again as bright or blue
A reunion to wait for yet a day of fear awaits us
It is true to come, by command and not a coin to toss
One day, a moment within an hour
Terrified of the trumpet, haven’t even outgrown the thunder
When the earth will crumble
My imaginations make my guts rumble
And here are the thoughts of seeing you again
O my broken heart, you had left me to yearn
If only for love, if only because I love you
But soon a day comes when my love is not enough
Too distressed to care
O these thoughts I can’t bear
Ya Allah guide us for surely the time is so near
Make our race towards You together
Reuniting us in love forever

I tried to answer your every call
Attempted to catch your every fall
There is the promise of parting from you in this world
Someday, somehow, this is true in His word
Just the thoughts and gloom on my face parades
A wish to see you again, a wish for a second to be spared
Alas, the day comes and there my love I see you
My dilemma will be to run away from you

These are my words to you if I ever said I love you
To the friends from childhood and gems that I found anew
To the parents and lineage and the blood and flesh crew
To the people with whom I share this path with
And when I rise covered in fear and dust
I pray to Allah that I run towards Him and not gaze in loss
Not alone but with the ones I shared His love with
I love you, I pray to run with you.

Love for the sake of Allah so that on the day when others run away from each other we will seek to find our hands and run to safety together. I love you all for the sake of Allah. Salaam.

30 thoughts on “DILEMMA (I love you but…)

  1. MaryamM says:

    Beautifully written as always, touching too. May we unite with all our loved ones in aljannah someday. Aisha, may Allah’s blessings&mercy be with u always. Amin Ya Rabb.

  2. salamatu says:

    Salamualaikum sister Aisha, may Allah reward you for this beautiful piece and undoubtedly loving and parting for d sake of Allah is one of the sweetness of iman, loving what Allah loves and hating what HE hates. May Allah perfect this virtue in us and grant us ease in doing it. I love you my sister for Allah’s sake.

  3. Ameenah says:

    Inspirational as always. A well written piece n a beautiful reminder. May Allaah reward u n may He always guide us unto d straight path.

  4. Ahmad Sulaiman Idris says:

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, thank u very much for writing, may Allaah reward u for this great work, and may He give u d strength and endurance to write more.
    And more personally, I hope your mum is doing better now, may Allah give her and all of us good health. We thank Allah for every condition we find ourselves in.

  5. Fareedah says:

    Deep. We’re too busy in our lives to realize everything, including us, can sieze to exist. May Allah make our time on this dunya beneficial for entry into Jannah Firdaus. Ameen.

  6. lubabatu abba says:

    Salam my sweet friend, I must confess U̶̲̥̅̊ are such a great writer. What a beautiful piece. May Allah continue to bless U̶̲̥̅̊ with abundant wisdom to write more for us to absorb. Keep it up and love U̶̲̥̅̊ loadz

  7. Yakori Moh'd says:

    Glory be to God! Salaam my sister, its been elephant years I’ve last feasted upon your divine oeuvres. I missed them and you greatly. So here I am again for good. 🙂 ..

    This is very endearing and a piece of counsel and reminder to all. That indeed the end times is here with all the signs manifesting from moral decadence, untimely deaths, massacres, cultural and religious crises, poverty, corruption in governments admintration and amongst people, insatiable and greedy leaders, shrivelled practice of our deen and disrespect to elders. And a host others too. I came with that because with all these misdeeds the wrath of God on the final day will be too grave to endure. Perhaps even while dwelling on earth we’ll have a taste for his disdain on adhering to his doctrines.

    We should’t invite The Almighty’s scorn. Let’s live our lives with brewing love to one another. Amongst our parents, siblings, friends, neighbours, colleagues, leaders, masses, and the whole of mankind. Let’s be weary of the hereafter. We should live in peace and harmony for there’ll be a time when everyone will be a stranger to us. Everyone will be scampering to win the favour of God. Everyone for him or herself, no teamwork is needed. Just you and your deeds.

    Keep churning exuberating works as usual dear, blessings of Allah cloud you always. Jazakallahu khairan wa barakallahu fik. Wasalam

  8. muinat says:

    So touchin, love dis. May اللَّهُ (Swt) kip us on HIS path always. آمــــــــــين
    جزاك الله خيرا sis

  9. nafisa atta says:

    “Hope provoking” permit me to say. Got me thinking of how on that Day, may Allah be pleased with our deeds, that I’ll be re-united with my loved ones lost. Ya Allah have mercy upon them and on us. Ameen thumma Ameen.

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