CONFESSIONS OF A MUSLIMAH

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon us all. Amin.

I plead to go on like the long silence did not happen, hoping this meets you in the best conditions.

Confessions of a muslimah is an attempt to communicate the dying desire I share with so many muslim women who wish to be better in deen practice especially with the hijab. Sincerely, I know a hijab is more than the wrap around my head whose length, breadth and thickness have varied so much I get apprehensive.

It is a complete package attached to this title and is agreeable that it’s an all or nothing deal, but where do I place us the “in between lot”? Today we are here, tomorrow we are there being very flexible with the rules that govern us.

Allah SWT says in Quran 33:59
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”.

It used to be an admiration for certain things. We would easily stash out that “wanna be” phrase to someone trying so hard and today here we are, a whole lot of women really being “the ideal hijabi wanna be”.

I look at an ideal hijabi with such admiration because I can only imagine how Allah sees her in that. I always wonder how the journey started out for sisters who wear the hijab the way it’s supposed to be worn ideally and routinely.

I am convinced that the reflection of our fear for Allah would show in our limbs and outer appearances someway, somehow. Notwithstanding, we should remember that we belong to a faith that accepts our sincere little efforts and makes us better by Allah’s will so I would be glad to say someday sisters it would be that you and I would do it right, in sha Allah.

Quran 7:26
“O children of Adam, We have brought to you garments to cover your private parts, as well as for adornment, yet the garment of reverence is best. These are some of God’s signs, perhaps they will remember”.

Quran 24:31
“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their father-in-laws, their sons, their step sons, their brothers, their bothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, women of their kind or their servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you believers turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain bliss”.

POEM TITLE: CONFESSIONS OF A MUSLIMAH
Blessings on the ummah of Nabiyy
Elevating our ranks as mothers and wives
Lead me to what my heart seeks
A hijab to please His eyes

It’s not about trends no more
It’s not about scents
It’s all about doing it right
One hundred percent

These fashion adjuncts that tempt me
Plain and simple, O Allah help me be
It’s not in the price
With You Allah, jannah is the prize

I don’t want to show you my hair
Just walk on by, like I am not there
If I exist in Allah’s eyes
Then I am worth more than your stare

I want a veil over me
From my heart to toe
I need Your Mercy towards me
So that my hijab can grow

Confessions of a muslimah
If that will make me frail
I know it’s just a matter of time
With Allah I won’t fail.

What class is it to dress in skin?
The irony is like buying sin
When my worth many can’t foretell
My plea Allah, forbid me from hell

Confessions of a longing heart
In search of you, one day at a time
Coat me O cover of purity
Replace for me now what covers my being

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MEETING HIS STANDARD OF BEAUTY

What if it mattered most to us that we looked beautiful in The Eyes of Allah than we did before anyone else? It would mean that we would work more on our salah, charity, manners and total obedience to Him. It would also be that we would have to find out what He considers as beautiful and then work towards achieving them.

While we cleanse our skin we should not forget to cleanse our hearts too, while we run to make an appointment, our salats must not be delayed and for love, while we say the words ‘I Love you’, we should say them to Him who shows us most love first.

We fall for people we view as beautiful in our eyes, get to know them, what they like and then we put in conscious efforts to adapt to what they admire, simply because we love them, would want to have our love reciprocated and because we want to keep them. It’s not so different with our Allah and naturally we can beautify ourselves to attract Allah’s love towards us.

A little humour in the love department; From a scrap in my mental diary I found these familiar ‘things we do for love’ moments:

So there is this dude
That caught my attention
Looked posh, not rude
And had a good profession
First chat and I drooled
There was a certain connection
I found me in a constant glee mood
Often he’ll set my heart in palpitation
Date nights felt good
Seemed like true love from Inception
To please him, did all I could
My routine I put under regulation
Strong words I wrote, he understood
And that was a secret revelation
My style changed, adjusted the indigenous hood
In his eyes, I liked my reflection

Walk and poise…check
Makeup…check
Dress…check
Catwalk…check
Composure…check
Other details…check

I’m not afraid to walk
Because he mentioned in his talk
How red stilettos steal his attention
And to keep him is my sole intention
So I shopped for them, red heels and a companion dress
I like this lad and I am all out to impress

In my eyes, I found a standard of beauty

T.D.H…check
Crisp shirt…check
Perfume…check
Lingua…check
Wallet, keys, phone…check
Date spot…check
Other details…check

Status update: *date night on point*…check check check

Familiar scenarios here and there which are mostly vain and what if some of that effort is diverted towards polishing ourselves for Allah. As we desire to look good for our loved ones, we should aspire to be beautiful before Allah too.

Spending more time in meditation and submission, more smiles and salams to strangers, less fights, persistently practicing a sunnah and so on. Haven’t we upgraded a lot for friendship, partnership, marriage and other relationships? Sometimes we are disappointed and all that perfection that eluded us fades. It would be absolutely very rewarding to upgrade our character and lifestyles for Allah.

A lot of us would agree that we have felt insecure due to imperfections in our physical looks and otherwise, wondering if we are good enough for someone and vice versa. The comfort is with Allah, our beauty never fades because we are older or fatter. The heart that remembers Him, is ever beautiful. What good is it to have spotless skin but a heart with so much spots of sin?

I have been a part of conversations going “…is he tall? How fair is she? Skinny, fat…? Nah, I don’t do geek, not my type”. Well it all does not matter with Allah, and you can be beautiful to Him without surgery, makeup or class.

On the day of qiyamah when Allah rewards His servants with “standards” of paradise just as they deserve would it not be wonderful to be among those in the highest of all? We all pray for aljanatul firdaus and our Lord is capable, Ya Allah bless us with characters deserving Your best, for You see beyond what man sees as beautiful. Ameen.

If someone obeys and tries to reach Allah SWT, Allah calls Angel Jibreel and says “O Jibreel bear witness I love so and so (Allah calls that person with beautiful names), so love him”. Then angel Jibreel announces it to the kingdom of angels and they all start to love that person. After that Allah puts the love of that person in the hearts of others on earth.

POEM TITILE: MEETING HIS STANDARD OF BEAUTY

To Him it’s not my face
And how I look in the morning
Full lips, long lashes all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how I keep on prostrating

To Him it’s not my skin
And how much lighter I’m becoming
Ebony or ivory all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much modesty I am guarding

To Him it’s not my weight
And what size of dresses I am wearing
XL or S all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much hijab I am observing

To Him, it’s not my voice
And how the lullabies would be sounding
Treble or bass all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much Quran I am reciting

To Him, it’s not my hair
And how much trend I keep on rocking
Brazilian or hump all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much strand I am veiling

To Him it’s not my wealth
And how much comfort I am buying
Mansions or wheels all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much on charity I am spending

To Him it’s not the number of my friends
And how my clique gets heads turning
Bold or beautiful all don’t matter in His eyes
Beauty to Him is how much deen I am presenting

To Him it’s not the prefix by my name
And how much expertise I am perfecting
Amateur or genius all don’t matter in His Eyes
Beauty to Him is how much knowledge I am sharing

To Him it’s not my body but my heart
Hour-glass, doesn’t count
O creation don’t distract this intention
Meeting His Standard of beauty…my obsession.